A letter of gratitude from Reema Zaman
Love Her
Most days, I can feel her.
This spirit of a child I believe
we will have one day.
Some days, her presence is so strong
I spend the day crying.
On those days, I feel as though
something is missing.
A longing follows me everywhere
curling inside me
in that empty space.
Other days, I am able to move through the day
feeling and looking so put together.
No one can ever tell.
I appear perfect.
Untouched.
Carefree.
Still, inside, quietly,
I am haunted by ghosts that have names.
Fear and worry and terror and concern.
They taunt me
They beg me to listen
As they call my name
As they whisper and hiss.
“You are waiting too long.”
“You are getting too old.”
“You are too thin.”
“All those years spent being anorexic,
you did too much damage.”
For a baby to call you her home.
Then I remember.
In every decade of a woman’s life
We are taught to fear our bodies.
We are taught to be at war with our bodies.
In every decade, the ghosts whisper, “Not enough.”
First, we are told we are not strong enough
Fast enough
Big enough
To keep up with the boys.
Then, we are told we are not thin enough
Beautiful enough
Pretty enough
To draw the love of the boys.
Then, later, we are told we are not chaste enough
Sexy enough
Compliant enough
To gain the loyalty of the boys.
Then, finally, after we have fought
to gain a semblance
of self and power and agency and calm
joy, even,
away from the noise and lies
We are told we are now too old.
No more.
Years ago, I decided.
I refuse to live in fear of my body.
I refuse to be at war with her.
I have grown to love her.
Respect her.
Remain loyal to her.
She is my center when all else fails.
If she has carried me this far,
I can carry the life of another.
One day, I will tell our child of my courage,
patience,
conviction,
and faith.
The things I kept while letting other things go.
I will weave them into bedtime stories.
I will place these gems in her chest.
Part of her inheritance.
Part of her becoming.
—
Reema Zaman
*written during this class
I recently had the profound joy of participating in On The Inside’s four-week class. Every week was an act of deepening in this beautifully curated journey, imagined and honed by Nikki over the course of years.
Our first week began with exercises crafted to essentialize who we truly are. We were asked to answer five questions, each one designed to draw us deeper into our truth. Until we were all bearing our most vulnerable hopes, fears, and dreams.
Our second week began with the same questions and then drew us into Light and Dark. For the following week, our homework was to write a poem on the light and dark within us.
Our third class, on Light and Dark, began with sharing our poetry. Then we dove into Mischief.
Our fourth class was all about Love. It began with us sharing our poems of Mischief and then venturing into what love means to us. It was beautiful to hear how every person relates to and defines love differently. We then wrote a poem on love together.
Each week, I left feeling more empowered and loved. We began as a group of relative strangers. By the second week, I was crying to them over Zoom. Such is the magic of this course, expertly led through an un-peeling of our outer selves, to get to the vulnerable, soft tissue of our hearts at their most naked, essential, and true
With each week, I found myself growing larger in my personal and professional life as I used the strength and love cultivated from class to galvanize my voice. I radically changed the landscape and trajectory of my romantic partnership by voicing dreams and fears that I was hesitant to voice before. By opening up, my partner opened up, too. For this is how it works: courage begets courage. Vulnerability encourages vulnerability. All leading to deepened love, growth, and connection.
At the end of each week’s class, Nikki and Caroline shared art and writing from the inmates. I was mesmerized by each piece. I was humbled by the innocence in their handwriting, the beauty of their poetry, the sweetness of their prose. We discussed how art is the great humanizer and equalizer: being witness to the women’s art and writing reminded me how marred I am by the derogatory way that the media portrays inmates. They are portrayed as being aggressive, violent, hard, tough. Yet in their art, nurtured by Nikki’s and Carol’s love, their vulnerability, softness, sweetness, and tenderness are allowed to shine. It is all I could see. It is what I will carry and remember forever.
Art is the great humanizer and equalizer. Please consider taking a class or donating to this incredible non-profit. The work On The Inside is doing is life-affirming, life-renewing, life-changing, and life-giving.
With love,
Reema Zaman
As we come to the end of our calendar year, we want to say a big THANK YOU for showing up here. For being curious about the life of incarcerated women, and wanting to heal yourself and heal more women and their families.
Without community, we are nothing.
With you, we are everything.
Thank you.
We are hosting ONE more LOVE FEST Zoom session on Monday December 12 from 11am-12pm PST.
You’ll need:
A blank card and envelope to create in.
Your favorite pen or markers.
A stamp.
And your favorite beverage.
We will provide:
The name/number of a woman serving time for you to send some love too.
A Zoom link after you sign up.
A space to check in, create together and share, and a container to make a wish in.
You’ll leave with:
A smile on your face.
A meaningful card to pop in the mail.
And probably, a group of new folks to call friends
To sign up:
Please email Nikki (nikki@ontheinside.space) if you’d like to attend.
If you can’t make it, no worries, send us an email, and we will send you all the information you need to create a card for someone inside the prison facility.
*September 2022, Nebraska Correctional Center for Women
Tis’ the season to give-
How will you choose to support our sisters serving time knowing that one day soon they may be your neighbor?
Better yourself by bettering your community of sisters and step in today.
Make an ongoing monthly donation today, and know that your money is going to support women in desperate need of connection, healing, and creativity.
$20 allows us to purchase a holiday gift for one woman inside.
$50 allows us to send a release package to a woman when she is released from prison.
$100 allows one woman the opportunity to take our 8 class series inside prison facilities.
$1000 allows us to pay our facilitators for this life changing work.
“I hope you discover your ability to love and love and love and love because that’s what you are here to do.”
-Nebraska Correctional Center for Women, current student
Thank you for being a growing part of our journey, our failures and our successes as we navigate slow and intentional growth to keep this work fresh, accessible, and necessary.
2023 Outside Class Series Announced-
Our four class series is a great way to become a part of our work, learn about the class structure, create with us, and build community. Each class occurs over Zoom so you can participate from anywhere. Every class you can expect to: share, create, receive, and learn as we make work that goes into our facilities and work from our inside students is shared with us.
*We only offer our outside class series 4 times a year, these fill up FAST so connect with us to register today. Please confirm which series you would like to join.
Series 1: Wednesdays from 11am-1pm PST/2pm-4pm EST
February 1, 8, 15, and 22.
Series 2: Wednesdays from 11am-1pm PST/2pm-4pm EST
April 5, 12, 19, and 26.
Series 3: Thursdays 12pm-2pm PST/3pm-5pm EST
May 4, 11, 18, and 25
Series 4: Thursdays 5-7pm PST/8pm-10pm EST
October 5, 12, 19, and 26
This series is co-led by Caroline Cox, Project Manager at On The Inside, and Nikki Weaver Founder.
Zoom links and instructions are sent out after payment is made. We offer a sliding scale and full scholarships too, all you need to do is connect us. Payment can be made right here. Please connect with us if you would like to join our next class series and specify which four classes you would like to attend. The work builds upon itself so it is essential that you prioritize attending all four sessions.
You can join our four week class series, and then continue on in our monthly class by signing up here.
*Nia, Nikki (Founder of On The Inside), Justine, Lacretia, and Krystal
Nebraska Correctional Center for Women 2022
Join us for our last two monthly gatherings of 2022-
Thursday December 1 HOPE
12-2pm PT/3pm-5pm ET
*Zoom link sent to all those who have participated in our 4 class series.
In these classes, we gather and share, create together, move together, and discuss and share artwork and poetry from our students currently serving time. Your work is also shared inside facilities. It’s a chance to connect and grow with women worldwide.
Announcing our 2023 Monthly Group Gatherings (2 hours)-
**all monthly group meetings are 12pm-2 pm PT/3pm-5 pm ET
Saturday, Jan 7 HOPE
Tuesday, Feb 7 LET’S GET SEXY
Thursday, March 2 AGILITY
Tuesday, April 4 TRUTH
Tuesday, May 2 CREATIVITY
Saturday, June 3 JOURNEYS
Thursday, July 6 SHADOW WORK
Tuesday, August 1 LOVE
Sunday, September 3 COURAGE
Monday, October 2 FLEXIBILITY
Thursday, November 2 VALUES
Saturday, December 2 HOPE
**all monthly group meetings are 12pm-2 pm PT/3pm-5 pm ET
We hope to see you in class this year- joins us for four sessions and then move into our monthly group as we deepen the connections, strengthen our creativity, and build long lasting relationships with women inside and outside prison facilities.
Your actions matter. Your words matter. How you show up matters.
Much love and gratitude for your ongoing support,
Nikki Weaver and Caroline Cox
-Founder and Project Manager
*Ms. Pearson at the WY Women's Center
OUR MISSION
On The Inside builds a creative connection for incarcerated women, both individually and collectively. We do this by telling our stories, igniting our hearts, and sparking dialogue. Creative connection for a greater good, we create community for women on the inside and outside by breaking down the walls that keep us apart.
The United States houses over 1.3 million incarcerated women.
We aim to change that.
Creativity is what keeps us alive, it is what draws us together. Our stories save us and have the ability to heal us. Healing is both collective and deeply personal. We create shared dialogue by holding a container for women to transform themselves. We do this through creative prompts where each woman has a voice in the room, through exploratory movement, creating a rolodex of emotions to draw from, and boundaries to hold.
We begin.
We create.
We play together.
We share.
We seek closure.
We begin again.
We hold weekly classes to gather in a circle. We create weekly newsletters where women on the outside create work (poetry, art, song) for women on the inside, and the women on the inside do the same. We create living, breathing works of art that move us far beyond the page, beyond the stage, and into a space of embodiment.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lisa Collins
Karen Pride
Fungai Mubayiwa
Katie Morell
Caroline Cox
Megan Gaffney
Atieno Bird
Dr.Mercy Nyangulu Nyepudzayi
Jazmin Jimenez
Cindy Lone
Tina Packer
Mia Zara
Marie Gonzalez
Beck Wilschefski
Elena Brower
Together, we stretch four continents wide.
Collectively, we are making a difference by creating together.
You are always invited to join our work, join our collective, join our creative expanding circle.
Support
Support our work by sustaining a woman through a monthly contribution right here. Your donation will support the ongoing weekly and monthly work we continue to build in person, and online.
You can join our four week class series, and then continue on in our monthly class by signing up here.
May you spend this month focusing on the ways in which you choose to align yourself with your actions and your words. What we do in the world matters, what we say, and the language we choose has a long term ripple effect on the people that hear you. Consider deepening your connections and widening your circles. Thank you for being a part of our work and our growing community. It matters. You matter.
-Nikki Weaver, Executive Director / Founder
Ways to Get Involved and Support:
Donate
You can support our work by sustaining a woman through a monthly contribution or a one-time donation.
Your donation will support the ongoing weekly and monthly work we continue to build in person, and online.
Donate Here.
Shop
Visit our online shop to purchase a small selection of goods that support our work on the inside!
Check out our shop here.
Join our Classes
You can join our four week class series, and then continue on in our monthly class.
Sign up Here.
